Beer drinking and the "art of stopping"

I once read about an eastern philosophical concept that involves, quite simply, stopping when it time to stop. In order to achieve a feeling of comfort and peacefulness, it is important for most people to stop working for a while and do something relaxing.  I say "most people" but in reality, I can't imagine it being healthy for any human being to devote every waking moment to work and productivity.  My wife mentioned this concept once years ago as she reflected on the fact that she has trouble stopping, especially when there are household chores to be done.  But household chores are never truly finished; as soon as one thing is repaired, cleaned, or completed, something else inevitably breaks or we notice something else that is dirty or has a coating of dust on it.

Even if a person is good at stopping his or her chores in order to relax or able to limit his or her time that is devoted to job duties, other imbalances may exist.  For example, if I leave work in time to get home for dinner with my family but then polish off six beers when I get there, I'm not really applying the art of stopping to my drinking.  In all honesty, I've always struggled with stopping when engaged in leisure activities.  Sure, I'll stop cleaning the house.  No problem!  Leave those dirty dishes until tomorrow!  When I leave my office, I rarely let my unfinished tasks bother me much after I no longer have to look at them on my desk.  My problem (and I know I'm not alone) is that when it comes to things like turning off the television and going to bed at a reasonable hour, I tend to make the wrong choice.

I've gotten better at limiting my television time and at drinking in moderation, but there are always more challenges for me when it comes to stopping when I should.  I avoided getting a smart phone for a couple of years because I appreciated the simplicity of the older devices that were basically just phones.  But then, when I got a smart phone, Pandora's Box hit me right in face.  All of a sudden there were all these apps! There are some useful applications but many of them are meant for fun.  They're games, and they are very distracting to me.  Playing them for a few minutes can quickly turn into an hour or more, and then, before I know it, I don't have the time to do something I need to do.  I'm getting better at managing these, but just as with drinking, I don't feel that total abstinence is a sensible option for me.

Lately, I've been thinking that whenever I have a beer or two, part of the moderation I now practice is based on the same principle.  Just as there can be too much work in our lives, there can also be too much of certain things we enjoy.  We then cross the line from what is considered moderate consumption or "treating" ourselves into gluttony and extravagance.  This is why I consider this concept of stopping when it's necessary to do so truly is an art.  Few people possess even near-perfect balance in this respect as there is usually some aspect of our lives in which we struggle when we just need to "stop it."

Adventures in Moderation Management

Since we don't have a physical meeting in Baltimore for Moderation Management (at least not yet), I thought I should share some of my own experiences.  I'll also try to keep some of these posts short so that readers don't have to spend too much time here.  Help through anecdotal recollection is great, but I realize most people would just like me to get to the point.

The story I'll be sharing today deals with making decisions when it comes to drinking, and this was one of the times that I was proud of my decision.  This past Saturday, I attended a family dinner at my parents' house.  My wife and I arrived with our kids at about 5:30pm, and we both had a beer.  In the "old days," I would have been finished that beer in about 10 minutes and headed to the fridge for another.  Now I make a habit of sipping rather than gulping as I consume a beverage, so it took me closer to a half an hour to finish that one on Saturday evening.

Here's the good part: I finished my beer around the same time that my wife finished hers.  Then, she asked me if I could go and get her another one, and I did.  Instead of getting another one for myself, however, I grabbed a can of diet ginger ale instead.  I'm at the point where I can actually feel one drink on an empty stomach, and I was more interested in just having something to drink with dinner.  I also wanted to see how I would feel if I stopped after one beer.  I usually stop after two these days and my wife was having another one, so I wondered if it would it feel weird to stop.  Well, it didn't end up feeling weird, but I did surprise myself.  The surprise came from the feeling that after I chose ginger ale instead of a beer, I didn't think of having another beer.  It feels great to make that decision and feel comfortable with it.  A year ago, I would have had at least two more without even thinking about it.

Later on, at home, I opened the refrigerator and saw one of those tasty craft beers that I love sitting on the shelf.  I was a little thirsty and wanted to relax, but I didn't take the beer.  The old disease model of drinking states that eventually, I'll just give in and start pounding beers again.  But the old disease model didn't count on me actually learning new habits and having faith in myself.  

This would be a good time to insert a disclaimer; if anyone out there reading this has given up drinking, I'm not trying to convert you to an MM person.  The statements I'm making could really churn up some strong feelings for some people, so please keep in mind that my intended audience is drinkers who are wondering if moderation is the right choice.  I've said it before and I'll keep saying that moderation management is not for everyone and it does take work.  That's why MM stresses the importance of commitment and peer support.  Just as members of AA look to their past mistakes so that they don't repeat them, members of MM need to remember theirs as well.  I consider good habits to be just like a fit body.  If one takes the time to learn good, healthy habits, those habits should become a part one's life permanently.  It's just like the dieter who loses weight by exercising and eating less.  Results are wonderful, but seeing those results fade as a person regresses into bad habits is sad or potentially tragic.  

I'm rattling on here just like I promised I would not, but I want to add one more little accomplishment that has helped me find success in my moderation of alcohol.  I've ramped up my exercise regimen during the past few months, and I've been satisfied with the results.  I'd go so far as to say that I'm even impressed with my results.  

I've always enjoyed physical activity because of the obvious benefits.  Over the years, I've been into swimming, hiking, biking, running, and lifting weights.  I didn't do them all at the same time, but in different amounts at various points.  I just feel good, in general, when I stay active and keep myself in decent shape.  But lately, things have been different.  And by different, I mean better!  I'm looking and feeling better at 40 than I did at 30.  My waist is smaller, I have more energy, and I look more defined.  I wondered how this could even be possible, but then I remembered some of the effects alcohol has on the body.  For one thing, excess calories from beer and other assorted drinks made me put on excess fat that obscured my lean tissue.  Too much alcohol also affects a man's hormone levels, so testosterone was not being produced at optimal levels in order to support lean body mass and energy levels when I was pounding beers all the time.  You know those people with really healthy-looking bodies who get up early to work out?  Yeah, they probably don't drink a lot.  Whether you enjoy fitness and working out or not, it feels better to look and feel healthy.  If you are examining your life as you read this, I guarantee that you will feel better if you find a way to live without drinking excessively.  Just do whatever it takes - exercise, get involved in your community, start taking classes - in order to truly realize that life is worth living and you don't need a buzz to enjoy it.

If you feel good, you may not want to drink too much!

After living through a few decades, I've concluded that the human mind is a very complicated machine.  That's obvious, I guess, but I mean it's more complex than most people realize.  We underestimate the capabilities of the human brain without even attempting certain things, and that's tragic.  The same may be said of the manner in which many people neglect themselves physically; we live in our bodies, so it makes sense to maintain them.

Youth is both an advantage and a disadvantage to our overall health. When we are younger, we are naturally more energetic and less likely to get injured, so it is easier to take good health for granted.  Many of us engage in recreational binge drinking but reason that we have plenty of time to get our acts together.  We can be more responsible when we're older, so why not have some fun when we're in our twenties?  

While there's something to be said for blowing off steam and testing our limits, those good times and coming-of-age experiences sometimes lead to bad habits.  It's hard to change habits that involve doing things we enjoy such as smoking and consuming alcohol.  They are pleasurable on different levels as they include the oral sensation of taste and consumption followed by the familiar response we have when the chemicals kick in.  

The normally-accepted way to deal with problem drinking is to have the drinker abstain completely.  If the subject is physically dependent on alcohol and wants to survive, withdrawal may include hospitalization in order to deal with potentially fatal effects.  Understandably, such an individual should probably avoid alcohol permanently after detoxifying from it.  

But let us consider the problem drinker who is not alcohol-dependent.  He or she may find life difficult without the relief of those evening cocktails, so there needs to be another way to deal with stress and nervous energy.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that anyone who has formed the habit of relieving stress with alcohol would need the willpower of Superman in order to either quit drinking or learn to drink in moderation without replacing it with something.  And by "something" I don't just mean meetings.  

For me, exercise has been a key ingredient when it comes to changing drinking habits and healthy living, overall.  But this exercise regimen must be performed on a regular basis without excuses.  Sickness or injury are reasonable excuses, but television and "just don't feel like it" are not.  New hobbies or interests are great ways to refocus one's energy too, but if we don't feel good physically, we are more likely to get careless and do self-destructive things.  Some people don't exercise and manage to maintain great balance in their lives, but I'm convinced that we are at our best when we move our bodies rigorously on a regular basis.  This may involve aerobic activity such as walking or running, resistance training, or a combination of the two.  Some people enjoy martial arts and boxing as well.

While regular exercise is undoubtedly beneficial, some people do end up going to extremes.  Think of the guy you see out running in 100 degree weather at noon in July.  He is so concerned with his exercise regimen that he risks dehydration and other detrimental effects which may occur when exerting oneself in extreme temperatures.  He'll probably just get sweaty and tired, but you get the idea.  Any goal or activity can become an obsession, which is why many of us, myself included, must continually strive for balance in our lives.  Even if overall balance is put on the back-burner during busy times, we can still be aware of interests that have the potential of becoming obsessions or even addictions.  

I'm not a personal trainer, so I don't have the experience necessary to recommend an exercise program.  But there are plenty of fitness professionals out there, and some of them even post free information online.  Just look around.  But be careful; a lot of workout programs posted online or published in magazines may not be a good fit for someone who is just getting started or trying to get back into shape following a lengthy period of sedentary living!  It's easy to get injured, so get checked out by a doctor to make sure everything is running smoothly and start slow.  "Boot camps" and "hard-core" training gyms involve strenuous activity, so be wary of over-zealous instructors.  The guy or gal with the chiseled physique may not remember what it's like to be getting started.  Don't be afraid to tell Mr. or Ms. Workout Machine that you need to take it down a notch.  After all, you are the customer and you're there for well... you!  If you don't like gyms or health clubs, try walking.  It's free and you can listen to music while you do it or just zone out while you "get in your zone."  

As I continue find balance in my life, I can't imagine maintaining it without some form of regular exercise.  I attend a YMCA with a wide array of activities available.  I also get a nice reality check when I see handicapped people there who rely on wheelchairs or walkers for mobility.  If a guy in a wheelchair can make it to the gym in order to use the pool, an able-bodied person can find the time to exercise as well.  Lack of time simply is not a good excuse in most cases.  If I can get up at 5:30am to exercise three days per week, almost anyone can do it.  I've long considered myself to be a night owl rather than a morning person, but I stepped outside my comfort zone and re-trained myself.  The benefits outweigh the costs, and I have the advantage of taking care of exercising early so that other obligations and social activities don't get in the way.

Maintaining a regular exercise schedule has improved my energy and strength during the past several months. It has also made me realize the value of looking and feeling good as a result of healthy activities.  Along with some other adjustments, it's gotten me closer to the balanced life I mentioned earlier.  I'm capable of change and it feels great!  Rather than listen to the naysayers, I decided to change my habits and my old way of thinking in order to make drinking an occasional pleasure rather than something I needed to give up forever.  At this point, I simply refuse to fall back into my old behavior.